g o o d b y e . . .
by miriya v
Summary: An hourfic challenge... deathfic; Tomoyo PoV first CCS fic, so be kind... A last meeting between friends


Ohayo! Gomen for lurking so long, don't expect it to let up any time soon... hehe too many projects. ^^;; Lessee, this is for the hourfic challenge...hope it isn't too bad, I haven't done that much planning...Oh, guess what? The coolest thing happened to me at AX (I just got back day before yesterday...) I went to the fanfiction panels (both of 'em, actually), and you'd never guess who I met. *giggles* Actually, missa-nee-kaasan and I had been talking about it, and I had to say that the coolest thing that could ever happen was for Natalie Baan to be there...  
Guess who was? Waaaah! I was so happy! (and you think god doesn't answer prayers. *Snicker*) She's just as cool in person! *still excited* Hehe she didn't know me...but she was very, VERY nice. ^_^ I wonder if any other CFFMLers were there? Eep! Too much blab!  
  
Fun with disclaimers: Erm...CCS is CLAMP's (no, really?), and the song "goodbye" is by frank sinatra. I've never heard it, but I love the lyrics...  
  
Warnings: Erm...no yaoi. (yeah, I'm the ONLY person who would put that in the warnings. ^^;;;;;;) though very affectionate f/f hints (another first! O.o;;), deathfic of cutsie person! O.O...I'll stop there. Just read it. No, wait, don't. *snickers*  
  
[Goodbye  
  
A CCS hourfic by miriya valentine]  
  
[time started: 6.39 pm]  
  
There is no great big ending  
No sunset in the sky  
There is no string ensemble  
And she doesn't even cry  
-  
Sitting in a coffee shop  
With cheesecake and some apple pie  
She reaches out across the table,   
Looks at me and quietly says good-bye  
  
---  
  
I should have known something was wrong when she called. Even though we stay in touch, now that we are adults with our own lives, we never seem to have as much time as we did when we were younger.  
  
Every other Sunday. At the same shop, down on the corner, the one with the cute flowers in the windowsill and the nice lady who always adds extra cream to my coffee.  
  
It's Tuesday. And she wants to go out for coffee.  
  
I've been working for my mother for years, now, but mother has always been soft when it comes to Sakura-chan. She still sees Sakura-chan's mother. But since it's Nadeshiko-san's daughter, I've got the afternoon off.  
  
And now it's raining; I'm racing down the busy boulevard, black high-heels clicking in rhythm against the wet pavement, wishing I'd have thought ahead and brought my umbrella to work today. In my head, Sakura-chan's gentle voice is repeating the conversation.  
  
---  
  
"Tomoyo-chan...please. If you can, I'd like to see you...I'm at Koneko's... Li's in Hong Kong visiting his mother..."  
  
"I'll be there."  
  
"I hope I'm not disturbing you..."  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
---  
  
No more time, I'm here at the coffee shop... I can't help but worry; Sakura-chan would never call unless she was in trouble, or something was wrong...especially not at work.  
  
She's sitting in a corner booth; I can make out the small curve of her shoulders-she looks tired, even from here. I slide in across from her, and I can feel the small frown that's starting to form on my face. I'm trying not to worry, but I can't help it. This doesn't seem right, somehow...  
"Sakura-chan? Are you all right?"  
  
She doesn't look up; her shoulders sag a little more, she looks so very, very tired...it's not right. Sakura-chan is always full of energy, always smiling and laughing...  
  
"A cup of coffee?" Her voice is nearly a whisper, her skin is pale and waxy, it's not supposed to be this way. Finally, /finally/ she looks up, she must be sick because I saw her only a week and two days ago.  
  
I nod. A waitress takes my order. A distraction.   
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Li's gone..."  
  
"Hai..." But it isn't that; he's always running off to Hong Kong, his mother is just that way. She wants to know what he's doing, and doesn't like telephones. I remember the first time I met her, when we went to Hong Kong for vacation.  
  
"You look sick, Sakura-chan. Can I help?"  
  
She sighs, laying her head on a thin arm. I notice that her hand is trembling, and a lump is growing in the back of my throat. Sakura-chan, /my/ precious Sakura-chan shouldn't be like this. Her green eyes shouldn't be this dull. "Just stay with me..."  
  
Not like my Sakura-chan, not at all.  
  
There's an uneasy moment of silence. Then she coughs, quietly. "Do you remember why your mother used to hate my dad so much?"  
  
I don't even need to think about it. "Nadeshiko-san...she blamed him for Nadeshiko-san's death..."   
  
She nods, weakly. "But it wasn't dad's fault...Kaasan was happy, with him. I know that much."  
  
Distantly, I wonder why she called me out here to talk about those things. She couldn't possibly mean...no. "What are you getting at, Sakura-chan? What's wrong?"  
  
"Please, don't hate Li...he doesn't know..."  
  
She doesn't mean it.  
  
/She doesn't mean it./  
  
"This isn't a funny joke...Sakura-chan..."  
  
But her dull eyes are glistening with tears. /She means it./  
  
Oh, gods...  
  
"Sakura-chan..."  
  
"I'm sorry, Tomoyo-chan...I didn't want to make you sad. But Li wasn't here...I'm sorry I'm being selfish, but...I don't want to be alone."  
  
I can't help the tears; Sakura-chan looks so helpless now. Why didn't she say anything? "H-how do you know?"  
  
She breathed, shallowly, closing her eyes; don't close your eyes, Sakura-chan, don't do it, you won't die... "I...just know. My mother died before me...and her mother before her..."  
  
The waitress returns bearing my order-- this time, my coffee's black. No cream, no sugar... nothing but the bitterness I can already feel welling in my spirit. Is this how mother felt? I feel like I want to scream. This can't be happening; next weekend, we're going to have a picnic at Sakura-chan's favorite park; I've already planned it out, the blank tape is sitting on my nightstand...  
  
"You won't die, Sakura-chan. C'mon, get up, let's go...I'll take you back to your house."  
  
She smiles, faintly, but it's there. "Tomoyo-chan. It's all right. I'm sorry...but I'm tired..."  
  
"No." My tone of voice is much more firm than what I feel. "We have to get moving, Sakura-chan...come on!" There's desperation in my voice, the same as what's in her eyes. It's not fair...I won't believe it...but Sakura-chan is serious.  
  
My Sakura-chan thinks she's going to die. I won't let her...  
  
/But what can I do?/  
  
I've always been helpless; I've always watched her, always. When she was a card captor, I was the one watching, unable to help her, even when she was in danger. I couldn't do anything as Li swept her away...  
  
I can't do anything now.  
  
Always, /always/...helpless.  
  
"Please don't be sad, Tomoyo-chan..." My Sakura-chan is always so sweet...she thinks she's going to die and now she's trying to help me...  
  
She looks up; her cup of hot chocolate is pushed to the side, she's resting her chin on thin, trembling hands. I'm crying, clutching my cup of coffee so hard I think it might break if I were stronger. Strong...like my Sakura-chan.  
  
Her eyes flicker shut, it's almost as if she's too tired to keep them open anymore. "Sakura-chan?" I'm almost overwhelmed by panic...  
  
She's smiling; one of her small hands reaches out towards me, sliding across the polished wood of the table. It's not real, it's not happening... "Tell everyone...I love them. Very much. I love you, too, Tomoyo-chan...so don't be sad."  
  
I'm so sad...but I'm nodding, as if it'll help. "Sakura-chan...Sakura-chan!"  
  
She shakes her head, just a slight movement; her hair falls over her one side of her face. "Tomoyo-chan..." She's looking up again, that same smile on her face, the one I remember from when we were young. In silent agony, I reach out, clasping her cold hand in mine. Sakura-chan, don't leave me...I need you, we need you!  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
I can't look anymore; I squeeze her hand tightly, she's not dead...she's /not/. But I know, deep within myself, when I open my eyes, she won't be there. She won't be my Sakura-chan...  
  
Her eyes are closed; she's smiling.  
  
My Sakura-chan...she's gone.  
  
I don't let go. My hand is frozen in place, clasped around hers, and I'm giving in to the sobs that wrench themselves out of me like separate entities.   
  
Outside, it's still raining. I'm alone here, the waitress comes to refill my coffee, I can sense her as she recoils in horror, her hands reaching up to stifle a scream when she sees that my Sakura-chan is dead.  
  
I hear the crash as the coffee pot drops from her hand and falls to the floor, shattering, spilling hot liquid across the floor...I don't let go.  
  
---  
  
[time finished: 7.36]  
  
Wahoo! ^^ I did it! With.... *checks clock* three whole minutes to spare! Ahm...this is my first CCS fic (and non-yaoi CLAMP fic! O.o)...I watched the first three volumes again last night and was gabbing to nee-kaasan about what would happen if Sakura died young, like her mother. And then saw the hourfic challenge...couldn't resist. ^^;; I hope it made sense, my mind is doing little swirlies... @_@  
  
*sniffles* And I had 'tears', by X Japan on repeat as I was writing this... *cry* it's sad!!!  
  
Hope it was liked, C/C/R is appreciated...might be doing some more lurking though, since I'm currently working on a big-time Fushigi Yuugi/Harry Potter Crossover...hehe. ^_^;;   



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